I’m having a bad day. Maybe it’s the heat, but I’m feeling so unmotivated to continue to do this project. I am going to a friend’s leaving party tonight after work and I won’t be able to have a drink because I can’t buy it online. Another friend is visiting from out of town tomorrow and if I go visit her at the restaurant she will be at, I have to order a glass of tap water and look really cheap. All of the reasons why this is a stupid project are out-weighing the reasons why I decided to do this in the first place.
There are a lot of circumstances going on in my life that are making me sort of sucky today, which isn’t helping. I went for a run, which helped a bit, and I know I need to focus on all the positive things I mentioned two days ago (support of other people, etc). But some days it just seems harder. The War of Art by Steven Pressfield calls it “Resistance” – all of the influences that stop you from being creative (a book I am reading at the moment). The resistance is fierce today and is trying to get me to give up, to cheat, or to change the rules.
I’m not going to, though. I’m going to push through this, even though almost every bit of me wants to quit. Tomorrow will be another day and another challenge.
Trying to shop online is only making me more frustrated. How do I know if anything will fit me? Even with the measurements on the websites and me standing in my kitchen with a measuring tape wrapped around me, I’m still not sure how things will fit. The models in the photos are at least three inches taller than me and at least three sizes smaller. Grrrrr! Do I have to go to the store, try things on to see if they fit, then come home and buy them online, hoping they have my size? That doesn’t save me time or money. Do I just buy seconds of clothing I already have and know fits? That’s no fun. Do I take a chance and hope they fit? I’ve spent two hours browsing and have bought nothing, am not feeling any better, and now have to rush to get ready for work. So much for online retail therapy!