Four hundred and eight

“There is nothing to writing.  All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.”  – Ernest Hemingway

When I read a book, I get so involved with how the characters are feeling I start to take that emotion out into my real life.  I feel so much for the character, I can’t shake it when I’m not reading the book, so I either have to abandon the book, or get it finished as quickly as possible so I can let it go.  Many years ago there was a book in Oprah’s book club that I won’t name, but it was about a girl who just had bad thing after bad thing happen to her (bullying, molestation, rape, painful relationships, people dying, etc) and she became a little crazy, ended up being mean to the people in her life, nothing ever got better and then it just ended.  I was given the book by a girl I met in a hostel in London when I first moved there because it was so much her favourite book in the world she brought two copies traveling with her just in case she lost one or wanted to give one away (who has that much extra luggage space?!).  I was the ‘lucky’ recipient.  I kept reading it because I figured the main character’s life had to get better – that there had to be some redeeming quality about her or that she would learn a lesson or any glimpse of something positive.  There was nothing.  It was just depressing all the way through.  So for the whole time I was a mess, trying really hard to break from the book when I wasn’t reading it.   However, no matter what I did, there was still this tiny depressing thought in the back of my mind of this horrible woman going through horrible things.

I have discovered recently that this also happens when I’m writing about depressing things – especially when it’s already happened to me.  I’m trying to get the book done for September, so I’m finishing a section (i.e. Extreme Couponing, 30 Days of Art, etc) every two weeks.  Right now I’m reliving the depressing time last year when it all began and I was trying to figure out my life.  It’s making me a little crazy!  My boyfriend was a little afraid of me the other day because I managed to flip through every emotion possible in the space of a half an hour.  Trying to reconcile how great I feel now with how confused I felt then has created this ever changing flood of emotions coming out of me.  I’m trying my best to not take it out on anyone and to channel it into my writing.  I’ve done ok so far (except that one moment of insanity with my boyfriend, but we just laughed about it afterwards), but I’m a little afraid of how I will react when I start writing about date month!  I’m apologizing in advanced to my family and friends.

On a side note, I’ve been mentioned on the fabulous and supportive blogger Pink Ninjabi‘s blog.  It has to do with blogger awards to support each other within the community and direct readers to other blogs of interest.  Very fun, but there’s lots of rules and it will take some work to prepare a response, so Pink – thank you so much and I will be posting about it more next week.

Now I’m off to the doctor’s office to have my yearly physical.  It’ll be interesting to see how changing my eating habits (originally vegan, now just without red meat, pork and dairy) has affected my health.  I had blood work done two weeks ago, so we should be discussing the results today.

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5 thoughts on “Four hundred and eight

  1. Lindsay, that is my favorite Hemingway quote, and you’ve done an amazing job of bleeding for us in this post, lol. Really though, I don’t think people understand the process for a writer, and you’ve captured it amazingly. Keep it coming!

  2. Greetings! Wowee, I forgot that when you nominate someone, you also receive the kudos. So here I am, reading your blog, completely agreeing with what it feels like to ‘relive’ someone else’s or our own (as if that was a different person to), and BAM! My name appears. Wow! What an honour!

    We are here, eagerly awaiting to support you through whatever topsy turvys you feel in this cycle of getting certain chapters done. I find emotions are like laundry, once you have beaten it out of you enough times, eventually it starts to come out like a really bad stain. Keep on bleeding it out, remove those abscesses that are blocking true healthy healing. Yes, gross. But that’s what happens when we don’t really grieve through things. It will be cathartic, and make for great writing. 😀

    Pink.

    • ha ha. It is great to get recognition on another blog. So thank you for mentioning me first!

      And I really appreciate the support. I do feel like I’ve done a lot of healthy healing over the past year and now reliving it is bringing up a lot of these emotions again. But it’s definitely removing the “abscesses”, as you say, so is a good thing in the long run. Just a little hard at times, as good healing should be.

      • It’s amazing how much lighter and more prepared you are to deal with new challenges once you grieve through that heavy baggage. It’s like an exercise that makes you stronger and more able to think and see more clearly. We’re cheering you on! :d

        Pink.

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