Four hundred and twenty-nine

Time heals all wounds?

I had a moment yesterday, when I was going through old text messages to remind myself of a few events, and I felt a huge weight come on my heart.  It felt like the weight of date month, everything I went through in my personal life, all of the hurt that I caused and the hurt others caused me, was an anvil pressing down on my chest threatening to cut off my ability to breathe.  Brief tears came to my eyes, but instead of running from them like I always do, I just let all of those events weigh down on me.  I finally let myself feel all of that pain and joy and ups and downs.  It hurt, but I accepted it for what it was and let it be a part of me.

Then the most amazing thing happened – the weight lifted, the pain subsided and I was okay.  I was more than okay.  I let it all go.  At the same time I let it be part of me, but not controlling me.  I let go of all the emotions of pain, hurt, anger, grief, and left only acceptance.  It wasn’t planned and it has taken a very long time, but I forgave those I needed to forgive, and most importantly I forgave myself.

I’m not sure that time heals all wounds, but it definitely allows for us to accept them as fact and move on.  I’m glad because I was having a really hard time writing about the dates without layering them with all the informations and emotions I have now.  By letting that go, I can really put myself in the place of where I was then.  It’s still hard, but in a good way – a healing way.