Seven hundred and sixty-five

Blessing in disguise: the end of my relationship with my literary agent

Sometimes things don’t happen the way that you planned, or you wanted, or you expected them to.  Sometimes those things initially shock, disappoint and upset you.  Sometimes we all need these moments to grow and to learn.  Sometimes they are blessings in disguise.

I have officially ended my relationship with the literary agent and agency I was working with.  Perhaps one day I’ll write about my experience, once it’s all sunk in and I can look at it with a little less emotion than I feel at the moment.  Needless to say it wasn’t a happy ending; the ending that I dreamed when I got an agent right away and I hoped a publishing deal would follow within the year.  It wasn’t a fairytale ending, but I did learn a lot.  My ex-agent helped to motivate me and edit my work and I am grateful for that.

I admit I was too naive, trusting, and didn’t listen to my gut six months ago when a nagging feeling started to tell me things weren’t right.  I waited around, was patient and understanding, was trying to be a good person.  I guess in business good people don’t finish on top.  It’s sad.  I’m sad.  But, as the saying goes: this too shall pass.

The more I think about it, the more I can see the happy ending.  It might not be the one I had expected, but it’s there.  And now I have control of my own work again.  I don’t have to wait around.  It’s up to me now.

And so, here I go on a new journey with the book/blog.  I’m not sure where it will take me yet.  I need a few days to figure out this new path I am on.  Perhaps I will self publish, or look for a different agent and agency.  I’ve started writing another book, so maybe that will be the one I take with me now.  As my friend said to me today, just because I didn’t think this is the way it was all supposed to go down, doesn’t mean it’s not the way it’s supposed to go.  It was a learning experience from the very beginning with this blog and every up and down has taught me a lot about myself and the world.  This is just one bump in a series of them.

Today I am allowing myself to mourn the loss of the way I dreamed it would go.  Tomorrow I begin steps towards something beyond my dreams.  I believe now, as I have always believed.  It will happen with more hard work and faith.  Even if today I’m a little sad.

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