Four hundred and seventy-one

A few eclectic comments that sort of tie together in the end:

“The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it” – Chinese proverb

I just read 25 Quotes To Inspire You To Do The Impossible on triathlete, traveller and spear-thrower Joel Runyon’s Blog of Impossible Things, with many more inspirational quotes in the comments on this post.  I’ve always loved quotes and I’m feeling very inspired right now.  Everyone wanting to interrupt me from doing the impossible get out of my way!

I’m also feeling fierce having pondered contract legalese for the past week.  Why can’t all of these things be written in plain English?  I feel like I’m finally getting a grasp on the questions I want to send to my agency about our contract negotiations.  This is after getting advice from a producer, a writer, and a lawyer.  I’m still waiting to hear back from one other lawyer.  I might be going a little over the top with this, but I’m terrible at this contract stuff, so I really want to make sure I understand what I’m signing and I’m happy with it.  I’m determined that this book is going to do well and that this is the beginning of a long career as a successful writer.  Because I love my agent so much, this could be a lifetime contract.  I feel a little bad I’m taking so long with it, but everyone keeps telling me not to stress (I was feeling a little overwhelmed) and take my time.  In any case, I am proud of my work and want to share it with the world – but I also want to be able to live off of my writing so I don’t have to waitress full-time.  My friend made a comment today that I don’t want to be the next “Leonard Cohen/Brian Wilson/Rocky Balboa from Rocky V where his accountant takes all his money”!  That made me laugh.

Speaking of making me laugh, have I mentioned recently that the top searches for finding my blog are still consistently: “diapers women”, “women wearing diapers”, and “women wear diaper photo”?  During Out of My Comfort Zone month I wore a diaper, had a not-so-great experience and wrote about  it.  I tried to be fair and discuss all of the reasons one might need (or want) to wear a diaper.  I also took a self portrait of myself in a diaper – with shorts over top of the diaper.  It is not a revealing photo.  I never thought there were so many people out there looking for photos of women in diapers.  There are times I feel slightly disturbed about this, but most often I find it funny.  It just shows there are people out there looking for everything on the internet.  And posting about my life and experiences online is bound to provoke people in different ways.

Finally, one other thing that inspires me: my camera, my computer, a glass of nice wine, and the sunset on my balcony.  Life is good!

One hundred and seventy-nine

Wearing a diaper

Some of this month has been about putting myself in someone else’s shoes and seeing what it’s like for them.  Urinary Incontinence affects 200 million people worldwide, women more than men.  In fact, 1 in 4 women over the age of 18 report they have had some form of involuntary bladder leakage, although generally it happens when women are older. (Source: National Association for Continence; National Kidney and Urologic Diseases Information Clearinghouse)

There are also people who genuinely enjoy wearing diapers, they get pleasure from wearing them, or they like to act like adult babies.  (see ADISC.org, a supportive social community for people who like to wear diapers, for more information)

A couple friends of mine suggested I wear a diaper as a joke.  I laughed and told them that was a little too far out of my comfort zone.  But the more I thought about it, the more I thought it was a good idea to really understand what it felt like to have to wear a diaper as an adult.  I can’t imagine the feeling of knowing you have to wear a diaper, the embarrassment of the first time you have urinary leakage, and the knowledge that you can’t help it.  It’s not funny at all.

I wore the diaper for the day – to work, to grocery shop, to hang out at home.  It was weird.  They don’t breathe very much.  And it made a tiny bit of noise (although way less than I thought it would) when I moved.  They are a little bulkier than underwear, so I was self conscious that other people could see them through my dress.  They are also fairly high up on the waist, so the band around my middle was a little itchy.

I had a hard time actually peeing in it, though. I just held my pee.  I couldn’t do it.  I tried on my way home, but I got ‘stage fright’.  So when I finally did go when I got home, I’d been holding it the whole day.  They are obviously made for leakage, not full-on peeing, as the diaper filled up (up the sides and back – what a horrible feeling to feel your warm pee moving up through the diaper) and then started overflowing down my leg.  I jumped in the shower and that was the end of diaper wearing.

I have so much more empathy now for those people who are forced to wear diapers because of urinary problems.  It must affect so many things, including your self esteem, sexuality, cleanliness, emotional state.  I suppose you get used to it after awhile, but I can’t imagine it ever being pleasant.

There are few posts that I’ve been embarrassed to write about (the nude photo, the karaoke video).  This is one of them.