Day eighty-six

The ex-boyfriend date

The Ex-Boyfriend

Was it a bad idea or a good idea?   Will old feelings come up?  Are those old feelings bad or good?  Every time I meet up with my most current ex-boyfriend, I always ask myself these questions.  But then I remind myself why we broke up in the first place.

Luckily The Ex-Boyfriend and I have made peace with a lot of those issues and are very honest with each other about everything we are feeling.  We are also really comfortable around each other, so it makes for a good evening regardless of the situation.

Outside the El Mocambo after the concert

Tonight was no exception.  First, some really bad theatre (it’s been a long time since I’ve had such a negative reaction to a piece of theatre – at one point I was pinching myself so I could concentrate on the pain of my hand instead of the pain of watching the atrocious acting on stage – it’s why theatre has a bad name, but the design was awesome and the only redeemable factor).  Next, a fantastic concert: Sea of Bees as the opening act (just discovered her and bought her album – check her out here) and Stornoway headlining at the El Mocambo.  One of the best concerts I’ve seen in awhile.  Finally to my friend’s going away party to catch last call (my work-mates have now met five of my dates this month – it’s almost a running gag at work of who I’ll show up with next!)

I tend to be friends with my exes.  I feel like they were important enough for me to date, so they’re important enough that I want to keep them in my life.  Sometimes this adds complications.  And sometimes I feel like this might be a bad idea.  But mostly I’m just happy to have them around.

Here’s a Stornoway video for your viewing pleasure:

Today

The co-worker date – a picnic in the park!

Day sixty-six

The guy-I-dated-briefly-in-the-past date

The Actor

What is it about an ex that makes you keep wanting to return to them?  Do you forget the bad things?  Is it a comfort thing?  Do you think you’ll both change and it will work this time?  Even if you only dated briefly, there was a reason you’re not still dating.  If you read any advice column, listen to a talk radio show about relationships, or peruse online the Second Chances forum at LoveShack.org (a global peer-to-peer support resource), you’ll see all the people who are confused about their situation with their ex-partner.  Do I go back with them?  Will they come back to me?  I do firmly believe exes can be friends, after time and the healing process of the break-up is finished.  But boundaries need to be set and adhered to.  There is also a small chance that an ex-relationship will work out again, but that’s through fixing the reasons you broke up in the first place (a very hard task that requires a lot of commitment and communication and most people aren’t up to it).

For The Actor and I, it was simply a matter of future goals.  We had a bit of fun, but he never wants kids and I most likely do.  A definite deal breaker.  I didn’t want to waste time being with someone that I knew there was absolutely no future, despite the fact that we enjoyed each other’s company.  We originally met during our teenage years, then reconnected through the small world of Toronto theatre and Facebook.  There’s something so familiar about him that always makes me smile.  And it would be easy to have another fling with him.  But, as we enjoy our lunch and chat about our love lives, we both know that will never happen again.  Not because we don’t enjoy each other, but because our time has passed and romantic chemistry just isn’t there anymore.  There is no flirting.  He is casually dating as well, including one lady he likes who he met online.  But he does get calls sometimes from ladies he has dated, that are looking for booty calls or friends-with-benefits deals.  It’s easy to fall back into this, but not always the best decision to make.

Tonight

The quickie…